Pár fórků (diskuse)

[vencour]

The New AOL 46 minute window:

Na zacatek: AOL = AmericaOnLine, nejvetsi (a nejpomalejsi) ISP v USA. Kazdych zhruba 45 minut vyhazuje okno, zda chcete zustat online:

1. Jste online 46 minut. Chcete zustat online? Reagujte do 10 minut, jinak budete odpojeni. (toto je standardni hlaska )

2. Jste online 92 minut./ Chcete zustat online? Reagujte do 10 minut, jinak budete odpojeni.

3. Jste online 135 minut. Nechceme na vas tlacit, ale na svete sou i ostatni lidi, kteri by se radi pripojili.

4. Je vam jasny, ze jste online 184 minut, jo? Kdy jste byl naposledy venku?

5. O.K., stava se to smesnym! Jste online 240 minut. Zacinate nas s*at. Pokud se odhlasite ted, vratime vam vas buddy list. (seznam lidi z AOL, neco jako ICQ)

6. Jste online 360 minut. Slibili sme vam neomezeny cas, my vime, ale nemuzete zkoncit a jit si precist dobrou knihu? (AOL zacali jako prvni s neomezenym pristupem)

7. Jste online 467 minut. Pamatujete si jmena clenu vasi rodiny?

8. Jste online 513 minut. Vase zena vas opustila a vas pes trpi. Prejete si zustat online?

9. Jste online 724 minut. Steve Case jde osobne nakopnout vas zadek. (SC je CEO AOL)

10. Jste online 852 minut. Mate vubec predstavu kolik hodin to je?

11. Jste online 921 minut. Uvedomujete si, ze America OnLine dostava v prumeru 921 stiznsti za hodinu tykajicich se obsazenych telefonnich linek. To je kvuli tobe, ty chudaku! Ted se odloguj a jdi do postele!!

12. Jste online 1000 minut. Kdyz AOL zacala s neomezenym pristupem, nemysleli sme, ze nas budete brat za slovo. Zaveste!!!!!

13. Jste online od vcerejska. Pokud se neodlogujete, prijdeme do vaseho domu a vytrneme ty pos*any telefonni draty ze zdi!! Dekujeme.

[bazil]

joooo fakt sem se zasmal

[Jerry]

Jo, dobrý, zvlášť ten první.
Jinak jenom malá pedantická poznámka - Timbuktu už dávno není hlavním městem.

[Jiří P.]

Uz nevim, kde jsem to nasel, tak doufam, ze me za to nekdo nesprdne... ;)

UNIX SHELL HUMOR

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Elvis?
Missing ].

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

[Radek Vokál]

Neznal sem a hodne dobre sem se pobavil :)

[Petr Jelínek]

The War on Terror

$ cd /middle_east
$ ls
Afghanistan   Iraq          Libya         Saudi_Arabia  UAE
Algeria       Israel        Morrocco      Sudan         Yemen
Bahrain       Jordan        Oman          Syria
Egypt         Kuwait        Palestine     Tunisia
Iran          Lebanon       Qatar         Turkey

$ cd Afghanistan
$ ls
bin  Taliban    
$ rm Taliban
rm: Taliban is a directory
$ cd Taliban
$ ls
soldiers
$ rm soldiers
$ cd ..
$ rmdir Taliban
rmdir: directory "Taliban": Directory not empty
$ cd Taliban
$ ls -a
.            ..           .insurgents
$ chown -R USA .*
chown: .insurgents: Not owner
$ cd ..
$ su
Password: *******
# mv Taliban /tmp
# exit
$ ls
bin
$ cd bin
$ ls
laden
$ cd ..
$ rm -r bin/laden
bin/laden: No such file or directory
$ find / -name laden
$
$ su
Password: *******
# mv bin /tmp
# exit
$ pwd
/middle_east/Afghanistan
$ cd /opt/UN
$ ln -s /Bad_Guys/Al_Qaeda /middle_east/Iraq/.
ln: cannot create /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda: Permission denied
$ su
Password:*******
# ln -s /Bad_Guys/Al_Qaeda /middle_east/Iraq/.
# cd /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
Al_Qaeda: does not exist
# rm /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# mkfile 100g /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
mkfile: No space left on device
# rm /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# cd /opt/Coalition/Willing
# mkfile 1b /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
# chown -R USA:Proof /middle_east/Iraq/Al_Qaeda
#exit
$ cd /middle_east/Iraq
$ ls
saddam
$ ls
saddam
$ ls
saddam
$ ls -a
.            ..           saddam
$ find / -name [Ww][Mm][Dd]
/Korea/North/wMd
$ wall Propaganda.txt
Broadcast Message from USA (pts/1) on USS_Abraham_Lincoln Th May 1st
Mission Accomplished!
$ rm saddam
saddam: No such file or directory
$ find / -name saddam
/var/opt/dictators/spiderhole/saddam
$ wall NewsWorthy.txt
Broadcast Message from USA (pts/1) on Time.Magazine Sat Dec 13
We Got Him!
$ mv /var/opt/dictators/spiderhole/saddam /opt/jail
$ cd /opt/USA
$ cp -Rp Democracy /middle_east/Iraq
$ cd /middle_east/Iraq/Democracy
$ ./install
Install Error: Install failed.  See install_log for details.
$ more install_log
Installed failed!
Prerequisite packages missing
Conflicting package Wahhabism found in /midde_east/Saudi_Arabia
Packages Church and State must be installed separately
File System /PeakOil nearing capacity
Please read the install guide to properly plan your installation.
$