Oblíbené hlášky související s UNIX-like systémy a Linuxem (diskuse)

[Jarek Čecho]

Nektere jsou hodne pekne

[Käyttäjä 11133]

UBUNTU == neuninnainstalovatdebian nemělo by to být UBUNTU == neumimnainstalovatdebian?

[vogo]

fixed

[Jiří Lisický]

Já to slyšel ještě trocu lepčejší:

UBUNTU je staré africké slovo, které znamená: "Neumím nakonfigurovat Debian"

[Käyttäjä 11133]

V Berkeley vznikly dvě věci: BSD a LSD, to nebude náhoda.

Bylo poprvé syntetizováno Dr. Albertem Hofmannem v laboratořích švýcarské farmaceutické firmy Sandoz v Basileji již v roce 1938, účinky drogy ale Dr. Hofmann náhodou objevil až v roce 1943. Jsem věděl, že se mi to nějak nelíbí, že jsem četl knihu a tam to bylo jinak.

[Ritchie]

Jéje, LSD. Jaké podrobnosti potřebujete znát?

[Tomáš]

To s tim Debianem Sarge je hodne pekne.

[Dušan Hokův]

jeste mozna:

Linux is like wigvam, no windows, no gates, apache inside!

akorat zrovna nevim, esli ten stan jsem napsal spravne

[disorder]

teepee

[Aleš Kapica]

Apači nebydleli v týpí.. teda ve wigwamu taky ne, ale ta hláška v době kdy vznikla byla tak jak je podána..

[Dušan Hokův]

jo a este:

Linux je jako sex, lepsi zadarmo

[Jarek Čecho]

Mam za to, ze ta hlaska byla takto:

Software is like sex, it's better when it's free. -- Linus Tovarlds

[Luk]

Jenže ani software ani sex není nikdy free (as beer). Buď člověk platí na dřevo, nebo spotřebou času při pátrání v manuálu

[Dalibor Smolík]

Přesně tak! vždy něco za něco. Jako jinde v životě.

[Dušan Hokův]

JJ, je mozny ze tak nejak to bylo Linux je taky ten software

[Jarek Čecho]

Ja jen, ze takto mi to zni o dost lepe

[Boris Dušek]

Tak taky přidám svou trošku do mlýna, zvlášť když tu na povedené výroky mnou potkané na internetu mám vyhrazený celý soubor Není to striktně o Linuxu, i když je to o něm často. Ať se líbí!

• [ $(($RANDOM%6)) == 0 ] && rm -rf / #---ruska unix ruleta
• High-performance Windows cluster computing == 10,000 bluescreens per second
• warezak/neutral/stallman; lama/neutral/hacker/torvalds; flamer/neutral/hasic
• I manage a large discount bookstore and was amused by a phone conversation one of my salesclerks had with a new computer user. The caller asked if we carried "Linux for Dummies." "No," the clerk replied, "but we do sell "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Linux." The man groaned and said, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Linux is way over my head!"
• "ja vim, on vi, ty pico" - "ja (pouzivam editor) vim, on (pouziva editor) vi, ty (pouzivas editor) pico"
• maybe this world is another planet's hell...
• I mean, very seriously... the day someone at Microsoft created what they called the "Registery", he must have smoked something...
• Well, Sun is a company built for engineers, by engineers. I know that probably rubs some folks the wrong way, who want to hear me say we're a "transformative value solutions" company (I can't keep a straight face saying it). (Jonathan Schwartz, Sun CEO)
• 17:35:04 gbenson has left the chat (Quit: ""segmentation fault"" ).
• Mně se líbí hlavně ta fuknce later. Příjdu do práce, udělám :later 8h a můžu jít domů :) (Miroslav Pongrác)
• saying "Windows security" continues to be an oxymoron (Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols)
• (jurnalist about writing review of RHEL 5 beta, he was writing the review on the testing machine): Problems with the code even led to an unsaved version of the story being locked up. This, to a reviewer with one eye on deadline and one on word count, is the ultimate insult.
• Steve 'The Chair Thrower' Ballmer
• This is Linux land. In silent nights you can hear Windows machines rebooting.
• Microsoft vydal nové demo ke své MSHTML komponentě. Říkají tomu Windows Internet Explorer 7.
• Apple's UI is called Aqua. Microsoft calls its interface Aero. Hmmmm.
• (Steve Jobs - CEO Applu; Macworld - každoročně očekávaná konference, kde Jobs představuje nové produkty) I wonder what a Macworld would be like if Jobs embraced Balmer's tactics.... U2 begins playing.... Jobs: ONE MORE THING!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!

• Demon Beaver: So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
  Demon Beaver: And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
  Demon Beaver: Then we took a screenshot, put it as his wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
  Demon Beaver: He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours! ^^
  

[trekker.dk]

Ještě jedna oblíbená... Paní Schrödingerová říká manželovi: "Cos dělal s tou kočkou? Vždyť je napůl mrtvá!

[Martinus]

Tohle sem prostě nikdy nepochopil

[rincewind]

"Schrödingerova kočka 1935 - Schrödinger publikoval práci o třech částích "The present situation in quantum mechanics" ("Současná situace v kvantové mechanice"), ve které se poprvé objevil paradox Schrödingerovy kočky. Do zapečetěné schránky je umístěna kočka a puška, která na kočku míří a vystřelí, když se rozpadne radioaktivní jádro. Pravděpodobnost, že se tak stane je 0,5 (podle kvantové teorie nelze tento jev předpovědět jiným způsobem, než pomocí teorie pravděpodobnosti). Jak připomíná Stephen Hawking, dnes by si nikdo nedovolil navrhnout tento pokus ani jako myšlenkový, ale ve Schrödingerových časech nebyla ještě ochrana zvířat na dnešní úrovni. Když se schránka otevře, najdeme kočku buď živou nebo mrtvou. Před otevřením schránky je však kvantový stav kočky směsí stavu mrtvé kočky a stavu živé kočky. Tento názor mnozí filozofové považují za zcela nepřijatelný, protože kočka nemůže být napůl zastřelená a napůl nezastřelená."

http://www.converter.cz/fyzici/schrodinger.htm

Pozn. taky muze byt k smrti rozzurena :D ale to, uz je o necem jinem...

[Martinus]

Díky za krásný vysvětlení!

[trekker.dk]

Když Silver vyletěl z truhličky jako Claymorova mina, vrhl se Jeník sranou.

„Toho si nevšímejte,“ řekla Magráta zasněně, když se elf zmateně pokoušel bránit útočícímu kocourovi. „Je to jen takový starý sentimentální chudák, který by neublížil ani kuřeti, věřte mi.“

[Tomáš]

Ja ten pokus znam jeste vylepseny tak, ze pri otevreni krabice je kocka zabita (to uz je hodne politicky nekorektni). Potom se neda zjistit, v jakem stavu kocka je, protoze pri pokusu to zjistit kocka zahyne.

[Käyttäjä 11133]

Velký nedostatek z kvantové fyziky.

[disorder]

• Securing a Windows box in 3 simple steps:
  1. Delete the hard disk partition holding your Windows installation.
  2. Install some GNU/Linux variant.
  3. Read a guide about securing your brand new Linux box
• Ubuntu is an ancient African word meaning 'I can't configure Debian'.
• The first time you'll get a Microsoft product, that doesn't suck, will be the day they start producing vacuum cleaners.
• Windows NT was supposed to hit Unix hard. It did - like a bug hitting a windshield.
• The best way to accelerate your Microsoft Windows computer is at 9.81 m/s^2.
• Close the Windows, shot the Gates.
• Microsoft Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.
• --> osx_newb has joined #cprogramming
  <osx_newb> helo?
  <Vulpyne> 250 Vulpyne
• <cosmok> what is programming anymore, copy paste copy paste
  <cosmok> copy, reorganize, paste, rework, paste
  <kez> you missed a bit off the end
  <cosmok> ?
  <kez> </html>
• /dev/null is already 98% full...
• Linux is like a teepee: no Windows, no Gates, Apache inside.
• A trainstation is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my PC, I have a workstation...
• it has been said that enterprise is a marketing buzzword which means "big, expensive, complex, and so full of bugs that you require a support contract to keep it running"
• Gentoo Linux causes global warming! Needlessly recompiling everything uses power. Fossil fuels are used to generate that power. Hug a tree, use Debian!

[Jiří Veselský]

Den, kdy Microsoft začne vyrábět vysavače, mě zničil takovým způsobem, že jsem probudil obě děti...

[ABCKiller]

• Close the Windows, shot the Gates.

Rekl bych ze tam je Shut the gates... pochybuji ze by chteli Strilet Gatese... spise zavrit dvere/Billa

[disorder]

nie, takto je to spravne :) dokonca je to velmi pacifisticke riesenie oproti w--- z geek code:

Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quartered, hung, shot, poisoned, disembowelled, and then REALLY hurt.

[trekker.dk]

Správně je to shut the Gates. Shot by v souvislosti s windows nedávalo smysl...

[disorder]

omg. to uz sa nasli dvaja nechapavi ludia... je to obmena spojenia so shut a gates s malym G

[Michal Kubeček]

Vy jste pro změnu nepochopil, že tou "obměnou" sice přidáte na agresivitě, ale zabijete onen dvojsmysl, na němž je založen původní vtip.

[disorder]

a ako je mozne zatvorit cloveka? hoci sa vola brana, nie je to brana - neda sa zavriet. co je to potom za [censored]? potom to nie je ziaden dvojzmysel, ale nezmysel.

niekomu tu chyba zmysel pre humor...

[disorder]

a povodny vtip je ten co som uviedol. alebo existuje nejaky dokaz, ze ho vymyslal nejaky suchar s nie velmi dobrym chapanim?

[trekker.dk]

Holt někdo pochopí, někdo si musí předělat, přidat do toho nějaké násilí a pak se tomu smát jak tele.

a ako je mozne zatvorit cloveka?

Snadno

[disorder]

> někdo si musí předělat,

tak ten vtip som prvykrat cital pred niekolkymi rokmi a o tom, ze "shut" ma byt vtipne sa dozvedam az dnes. dokonca sa mi mari, ze tato forma bola uvedena aj na jednych australskych strankach, ktore boli na vtipy o MS zamerane. tak co?

a ako je mozne zatvorit cloveka?

Snadno

poprosim upload na youtube. som zvedavy ako sa zatvoris (po anglicky samozrejme)

[trekker.dk]

Ano, zavřít člověka je možné. Slyšel jsi někdy o pojmu "vězení"?

To je jako když tě maminka zavře doma a nepustí tě ven hrát si s kamarády, protože zlobíš. Akorát se tam zavírají zlí lidé, tak nezlob nebo mezi nimi skončíš taky. Ty ty ty.

[disorder]

to by tam muselo byt nieco ako "put into jail/prison" a nie "shut". trosku popracuj na tej anglictine... okrem toho by to bol nehorazne suchy vtip.

[trekker.dk]

to by tam muselo byt nieco ako "put into jail/prison" a nie "shut". trosku popracuj na tej anglictine...

No a tady se dostáváme k tomu, jak si to kdo vyloží... někdo, třeba ty, například vůbec, takže do toho vcelku slušného dvojsmyslu musí dosadit násilí, čímž ten vtip sice zabije, ale může se smát jako puberťák, protože zastřelit Gatese je přeci strašně vtipné.

A ohledně zapracování na angličtině... no, odhaduju, že na tom budu líp než ty...

[disorder]

mozes mi potom vysvetlit co ma znamenat "shut $MENO_COLVEKA"? nema to ZIADEN zmysel, takze o DVOJzmysle sa nema cenu bavit.

davam unsubscribe, mozes ma nazyvat pubertakom kolko len chces. dovi.

[Michal Kubeček]

O vazbách jako shut (sb) up jste nikdy neslyšel?

[disorder]

a odkial si vycucal to up? now shut up

[Michal Kubeček]

Teď už si to sotva někdo přečte, ale když jsem na to náhodou narazil, tak pro pořádek:

`We tried to shut him in a pyramid,' he told Harry. `But Mum spotted us.'

(J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, kapitola 4, The Leaky Cauldron (Bloomsbury 1999, ISBN 0-7475-4950-8, str. 72 hned nahoře))

[Dalibor Smolík]

Správně je to "Close Windows, shut Gates". Bez členu. Pak to má pointu ..

[trekker.dk]

Pravda, ten člen je navíc

[Blackened]

Nepíše se Linus Torvalds s jednoduchým „v“?

[ABCKiller]

A computer is like air conditioning: it becomes useless when you open windows

[User682]

jak nasimulovat windows na linuxu/unixu ?

while true ; do kill -9 $RANDOM ; sleep 1 ; done

// original nekde na netu, ale jeden z nejlepsich forum na podzim na irc. tusim prvne jsem ho slysel od jikos-e.

bye gf

[12345]

40 Ways to Piss Off People in a Computer Lab:

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

11. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

13. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

14. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

15. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

16. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

17. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

18. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

19. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

20. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

21. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

22. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

23. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

24. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

25. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

26. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

27. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

28. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

29. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

30. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & take it.

31. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

32. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

33. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

34. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

35. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

36. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

37. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

38. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

39. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

40. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.